Q&A with Natalie Stephenson

Q: Did you grow up going to church? How did you end up out here at Renew in LA?

Natalie: I grew up in a faith household, with a more like Hispanic Pentecostal vibe. I would say, once my parents split when I was like eight, that kind of teetered off. And I would just go here and there and keep it afloat. I moved out here eight years ago. That's when I got to like, get my own faith.

I prayed: "should I go out to L.A.?" I really felt called to have my own relationship with Him. I started going to a church in Chatsworth called The Garden, and that's where I got baptized. And then I took a break.

This is where my life kind of changed a little bit: I got into a car accident. It was funny because I had set a timeline for myself just because I was really close to my family and my family did not want me to go to L.A. just because they would miss me, not because they didn't support me or anything.

I went out to pursue music. I just knew I had to get out to wherever the Lord wanted me in L.A. I gave myself a two-year timeline. Like, if nothing happens in two years, I'll move back.

And then the second year that I was there was when the car accident happened.

Oh man, it slowed me down. At that time, I felt like that's where I got really close with Him. It didn't change my life where I couldn't walk or anything like that. But the pain was the number one thing that was on my brain, like my back pain was just something that consumed me.

Finding relief was the main goal. You know what I mean? I'm reading the Bible. I was like, "OK, well, I'll just got closer to Him because I'm like, I don't know what else to do.”

2015 is when this whole back pain journey started, where music just kind of went in the back burner and just getting to know Jesus and getting to know him more was part of like finding healing, you know, through that.

Q: I'm so sorry that happened to you. What happened specifically with the accident?

Natalie: I was driving on a three-lane street. The furthest two left lanes were stuck because there was so much traffic. So the oncoming car in traffic thought that he could make a left hand turn. He hit me on the driver's side. I really downplayed it, though.

I was like "oh, you know, it's my first car accident." I didn't feel all the pain that I did initially. So I was like, "I'm good. It's fine, let's just keep it moving."

But then I got into another car accident like four months later. Somebody else hit me in a parking lot. I was like, "Oh, this isn't really going to affect me." But it really did.

Q: So prior to that, you mentioned that you were pursuing music. What were you pursuing?

Natalie: I play guitar and I love to sing. It was just anywhere that I could plug myself into. I really wasn't sure what it was going to look like. But at the time, I was just trying to get over stage fright, so I was just trying to put myself out there. Like anytime it was an open mic or open karaoke thing, I would just go.

I just remember a switch where after the car accident, It couldn't stand for more than 15 minutes. It was just like "oh my gosh, I need to sit." So I would bring chairs to like any gigs that I had. I would just bring my chair or whenever playing at the Santa Monica Promenade or the pier. But that was that time where I was just getting over stage fright and challenging myself in that way. And then I would be getting shows.

I'm very grateful that during that time, the opportunities to grow as an artist never stopped. God was still showing me places to go. It was a challenge to grow myself in that way, you know, whether it was singing live or whether it was like finding someone who had a studio and wanted me to sing things.

I was getting all these new opportunities here and there, but it just wasn't going as fast as I would have wanted.

That was a lesson to like, not go by my timeline, but to just surrender to His. I'm just grateful that I was able to slow down. To slow down and to know who He is.

Q: That's really powerful. What do you feel like your relationship with God was like prior to the accident? And what effect did the accident have on your relationship? Like you mentioned slowing down and being initially frustrated that you couldn't go at the pace that you're normally going at. Did it in certain ways turn out to be a blessing in disguise that allowed you to like, refocus or get a new perspective?

Natalie: Absolutely. Yeah. Before I definitely felt like I had control of how quickly my blessing could come. Especially being out here for two years. You know, I don't have control of any of that, but I have control of getting closer with Him and building my faith. And that's what I should focus on Him, Jehovah Rapha, just getting to know Him.

It's interesting that we're in this series as a church about slowing down for your own emotional check ins. But yeah, it really allowed me to not put pressure on myself to go as fast. Or not have to accept the outside pressure of the world, like "if you don't go [fast] you're going to miss this opportunity."

Now I know that at his right timing, the blessing will come. And in the meantime, it's learning that He's pruning me.

My whole perspective has changed. I don't feel rushed to get to where I need to go or where I think my voice is going to be used to be successful. I'm just at his disposal.

I'm just waiting for direction for the next thing, because what he has shown me is that he will always provide a next step. That's one thing that he's been consistent with this whole eight year journey that I've been on in L.A. trying to pursue music. I'm so grateful for that.

And also, now that I have slowed down and don't have the outside pressure to rush to it, it's more like enjoying the journey, enjoying waiting on Him and allowing Him to be God versus feeling like I have control of something.

Q: Was there a specific moment you really felt His presence, whether that was in worship or just your own prayer time?

Natalie: I might not have a specific moment, but after the car accident, I couldn't take a full breath of air to support as long as I wanted. When I'm singing and I feel the support and I feel the air in my back like when I take a full breath that I am able to sustain that note. I get emotional because I'm still reminded of Him.

Q: What has that journey of being a performer in LA been like? I'm sure there's probably been highs and lows of trying to "make it" here.

Natalie: It's a constant being okay with rejection and seeing it as a redirection. Sometimes I can experience self-doubt for sure. Reminding myself that if this doesn't work out, it doesn't mean that it's over. Or, you know, it's just he has something better, you know? So it's more of a redirection instead of taking it internally and shutting down, also trusting His timeline.

Just the more I go around him, like, the more I read the word or just like that time to be in his presence, like he reminds me "I created you for a reason" The fight against timing and rejection are like the two main things, where I'm like "I need to be close to You to be able to handle these situations that come."

Q: What's your favorite thing about being on the worship team or worship in general? I know, like obviously like you and I know the dance there, but just for like in case I want to include this in the story, why do you think worship is important?

Natalie: I really enjoy the space that they create at Renew. There's a lot of Holy Spirit in the post-service where it's like you're praying for people. I really enjoy those moments. The best is actually like any time where it's music or instruments, just like an impromptu vibe, like a jam set.

Jam sessions are already cool, like at a jazz club where no one's a Christian, you know what I mean? Like, you can still vibe. But when you add the Holy Spirit into that, it's one of my favorite things. We were just created to worship. You know, we're just going back to exactly what we were created to do. For me, my whole body is thanking him at that moment.

Q: What do you feel like you've learned from the Renew community?

Natalie: I'm learning how to be a body of Christ. Being united, and addressing racial problems – like some churches don't talk about it. They just want to talk about Jesus, and don't get me wrong, He is the answer. But they kind of glaze over like the hard conversations, hard topics, you know, inner work like being emotionally healthy, spiritually healthy. They're really taking the time to have those hard conversations that some people just want to avoid, but I feel like when you bring Jesus into that and it's so powerful and I'm really enjoying seeing how it works.

Q: Yes! Things like the DEI Roundtable – you don't see a lot of churches doing stuff like that. It's important to talk about those things and be able to have healthy conversations around them. How have you been doing as far as healing from your injury?

Natalie: I was trying everything, and I found this enzyme [to help.] I ordered it online and it worked really well. I was like, "Lord, OK, thank you! I was going to the chiropractor, going to get acupuncture, going to get massages all the time.

And then I just felt like it was revealed, like relieving itself, like it was like working itself out. Thank God.. It was slow and steady and each day I was like "I'm better today. I'm better today. I'm better today."

Eventually it was like, OK, there's like a little bit left where it wasn't as aggravating. It's still there. It was slow and steady, gradual. Thank the Lord, now I can sleep. Whenever the pain was there, depression, anxiety, fear, and insecurities would come in. I'm just trying to build up my spiritual armor, so I can say to the pain, "no, you're not invited anymore. You can't come in."

Another lesson that I feel like He revealed to me is like, "don't downplay what you're going through. Don't downplay your pain and don't downplay your blessings, either, because whether it was good or bad, I just downplayed it. I'd say "I'm content, I'm good," instead of being honest with Him and myself.

I think this was because of self defense mechanisms. I don't want to admit my weaknesses. I still have trouble now. I want to be more vulnerable. I want to accept my weaknesses and boast in them, because that's where He's strongest.